Dan Smith Will

Dan Smith will

fix it, regardless of what it is

Dan Smith will

give your Mom the badonkadonk

Dan Smith will

not hide the body well enough

Dan Smith will

attack you in “self defense”

Dan Smith will

emulate everything he sees on TV

Dan Smith will

only die when people stop believing in him

Dan Smith will

know before you do

Dan Smith will

escape humanity’s cruel fate

Dan Smith will

let his freak flag fly on Monday. Many will die.

Dan Smith will

get to it. Get off his back!

Dan Smith will

advertise on T-shirts, soon

Dan Smith will

eradicate poverty by teaching guitar

Dan Smith will

feign concern for your well-being

Dan Smith will

release the Kraken

Dan Smith will

comb your hair, just to see you smile

Dan Smith will

reinvent jazz to make zazj

Dan Smith will

drop trou if startled

Dan Smith will

shine your shoes should you share a shilling

Dan Smith will

not accept “No” for an answer

Dan Smith will

get to the bottom of this!

Dan Smith will

model long-sleeve T-shirts

Dan Smith will

not tolerate shenanigans

Dan Smith will

replicate each time he teaches someone guitar

Dan Smith will

rearrange your furniture while you sleep

Dan Smith will

crash your wedding for the open bar

Dan Smith will

make you the next Orpheus

Dan Smith will

check himself before he wrecks himself

Dan Smith will

establish his dominance through violence

Dan Smith will

cross-examine the witness

Dan Smith will

learn the true meaning of Christmas

Dan Smith will

reward you for your honesty with his daughter

Dan Smith will

complete his primary directive at any cost

Dan Smith will

have to register in your neighborhood

Dan Smith will

punch you right on the mouth

Dan Smith will

one day want to learn playing guittar

Dan Smith will

just sit there…

Dan Smith will

seek Vengeance

Dan Smith will

compromise your family’s safety

Dan Smith will

date your mother

Dan Smith will

make you PAY

Dan Smith will

I don’t know what I want to do after university <a

Dan Smith will

kiss you gently.

Dan Smith will

never tell you his real name.

Dan Smith will

return after these messages

Dan Smith will

be studied closely. We must understand!

Dan Smith will

hug him and squeeze him and call him George

Dan Smith will

get his record expunged once he brings down Suarez

Dan Smith will

lie to protect his homies

Dan Smith will

win the Triple Crown, himself

Dan Smith will

not reveal how much he hates you
You’ll just know

Dan Smith will

be your new dad

Dan Smith will

alphabetize your CD collection without permission

Dan Smith will

prove to be a cardboard cutout and not a person

Dan Smith will

marry you for citizenship

Dan Smith will

bring back da funk!

Dan Smith will

label all his possessions with this photo

Dan Smith will

huff and he’ll puff and he’ll blow your house down

Dan Smith will

never succumb to temptation

Dan Smith will

solve the current crisis in the Middle East

Dan Smith will

fight Jesus for dominance during the Rapture

Dan Smith will

destroy Tokyo with his fire breath and heat vision

Dan Smith will

know what to do!

Dan Smith will

reimburse you for emotional damages

Dan Smith will

buy your soul

Dan Smith will

be my best friend or Sarah will lose her ears

Dan Smith will

rectify any situation involving acrobats

Dan Smith will

Advise you to be rough.

Dan Smith will

squirt last night’s taco out of his balloon-knot

Dan Smith will

will upperdeck you with a hefty pile.

Dan Smith will

plop on Mcnair’s head

Dan Smith will

absolutely shrivel pastrami

Dan Smith will

hit up Edgar.

Dan Smith will

give joseph two tickets to paradise

Dan Smith will

give Joseph an amazing technicolor dreamcoat

Dan Smith will

take being a cunt to a level of paradise

Dan Smith will

give yo mama the anywho

Dan Smith will

teach Dr. Zizmor guitar

Dan Smith will

help you connect to your higher self.

Dan Smith will

gently massage your clitoris.

Dan Smith will

jizz on you

Dan Smith will

teach you ukulele

Dan Smith will

break your guitars

Dan Smith will

literally die

Dan Smith will

clean your dirty underwear

Dan Smith will

GO TO TOWN

Dan Smith will

DOOT DOOT DOOO

Dan Smith will

create his own AirBnB Logo

Dan Smith will

SUCK YO DICK

Dan Smith will

be cut loose like a deuce ….

Dan Smith will

beat your meat silly

Dan Smith will

suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose

Dan Smith will

be the permanent county bastard

Dan Smith will

give YOU the anywho ….

Dan Smith will

Simon an anywho and piss on your toilet seat

Dan Smith will

Be your friend obvi

Dan Smith will

:)

Dan Smith will

make you pay for what you did.

Dan Smith will

poop a hammer

Dan Smith will

never read this

Dan Smith will

, but will you?

Dan Smith will

fuck a badger

Dan Smith will

put his head through the mirror for you

Dan Smith will

train for a Fall marathon with TriLife

Dan Smith will

work unless you do

Dan Smith will

will make you mad disrespect you and treat you bad

Dan Smith will

be the most controversial season of the bachelor

Dan Smith will

not do

Dan Smith will

not like it

Dan Smith will

will teach guitar you

Dan Smith will

probably just give up

Dan Smith will

poot poot poot

Dan Smith will

go to Dakar

Dan Smith will

teach you noir

Dan Smith will

teach you Godard

Dan Smith will

go for broke

Dan Smith will

recite the Gettysburg Address backwards.

Dan Smith will

never judge

Dan Smith will

take you to prom

Dan Smith will

explosively blow out his butt hole while riding a

Dan Smith will

do your dishes.

Dan Smith will

kjkljl

Dan Smith will

be, is, and was

Dan Smith will

sacrifice a lamb to Apollo, god of the lyre

Dan Smith will

never give up, never back down

Dan Smith will

follow you to school one day. He is white as snow.

Dan Smith will

invent time travel, and has

Dan Smith will

hijack your mind and force you to burgle

Dan Smith will

see your dollar and raise you five thousand

Dan Smith will

abandon this pose when the Knicks are NBA champs

Dan Smith will

pass on his name like the Dread Pirate Roberts

Dan Smith will

reminisce with you about your childhood

Dan Smith will

never cast a shadow

Dan Smith will

find Waldo and kill him

Dan Smith will

gesticulate wildly and squawk for $7.50 and a hug

Dan Smith will

teach you guitar. That is the afterlife.

Dan Smith will

avenge you

Dan Smith will

return your misplaced affections

Dan Smith will

be loved. He wiiiiiiilllll be lo-o-o-oved

Dan Smith will

raid your fridge

Dan Smith will

be the very best, like no one ever was

Dan Smith will

hand you this flier and smile

Dan Smith will

baptize himself in the blood of his enemies

Dan Smith will

Nap
baptize baptize himself in the blood of his e

Dan Smith will

go to Dr. Zizmor for a fruit acid peel.

Dan Smith will

find you a rent stabilized apartment.

Dan Smith will

grow a Charlie Chaplin mustache.

Dan Smith will

perform cosmetic surgery on earthworms.

Dan Smith will

sleep with your wife

Dan Smith will

be listening

Dan Smith will

take your gig