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  • Dan Smith will

    pee pee poopoo

  • Dan Smith will

    never let on he doesn’t actually know how to play.

  • Dan Smith will

    turn out to be a pseudonym.

  • Dan Smith will

    check into rehab, but won’t last a week.

  • Dan Smith will

    teach you respect.

  • Dan Smith will

    try to get you to believe he turned down Letterman

  • Dan Smith will

    incessantly drop the names of successful musicians

  • Dan Smith will

    set your heart on fire, shnookums.

  • Dan Smith will

    set the world on fire.

  • Dan Smith will

    shit upon the ancient memorial.

  • Dan Smith will

    shine the shoes of a brahmin.

  • Dan Smith will

    **CURTAINS

  • Dan Smith will

    open up your meat cutains, honey…

  • Dan Smith will

    eat shit…willingly?
    eat shit…willingly?

  • Dan Smith will

    dissect a cod and penetrate its remains. forever.

  • Dan Smith will

    learn karate, sort of.

  • Dan Smith will

    get laid….a lot.

  • Dan Smith will

    end up costing about $100 for each chord you learn

  • Dan Smith will

    send you crawling back to your Mel Bay books.

  • Dan Smith will

    have to pawn his Strat to pay rent next month.

  • Dan Smith will

    be in touch with an attorney.

  • Dan Smith will

    hope you don’t figure out he lives in the studio.

  • Dan Smith will

    have you playing “Classical Gas” in no time at all

  • Dan Smith will

    assert it was all an innocent misunderstanding.

  • Dan Smith will

    prove as unsatisfying as all the others.

  • Dan Smith will

    show you his “Whammy Bar”.

  • Dan Smith will

    not stop staring at your breasts.

  • Dan Smith will

    look much older in person.

  • Dan Smith will

    try to tell you about Scientology.

  • Dan Smith will

    disappear after you pay him for a month in advance

  • Dan Smith will

    share his passion for musical theatre.

  • Dan Smith will

    seem all kinda weird and strung out when you meet

  • Dan Smith will

    shake your faith in the basic decency of mankind.

  • Dan Smith will

    soon move back to New Bedford and work for his dad

  • Dan Smith will

    play “Smoke on the Water” for you whole $90 lesson

  • Dan Smith will

    not be the first one to blink.

  • Dan Smith will

    call the bank and straighten everything right up.

  • Dan Smith will

    share his scrumptious peach buttercream cupcake!

  • Dan Smith will

    not remove the damn flyers.

  • Dan Smith will

    not be swayed by your pleas.

  • Dan Smith will

    do something about that leak once he’s done here.

  • Dan Smith will

    be so unconvincing in his praise for your progress

  • Dan Smith will

    keep your guitar until you pay him for last week.

  • Dan Smith will

    ultimately fail.

  • Dan Smith will

    have to stand up soon, because his foot’s asleep.

  • Dan Smith will

    say how great the food was, but won’t leave a tip.

  • Dan Smith will

    try to be more sensitive in the future.

  • Dan Smith will

    now play “Walk on the Wild Side” for you.

  • Dan Smith will

    provide your children with a quality education.

  • Dan Smith will

    see you in hell.

  • Dan Smith will

    colonize Mars.

  • Dan Smith will

    teach you a few licks…prison style.

  • Dan Smith will

    touch you in your fun zone.

  • Dan Smith will

    take care of your pets

  • Dan Smith will

    do your taxes

  • Dan Smith will

    pop yr pimples

  • Dan Smith will

    Where’s the nearest cash machine? <a href=" http:/

  • Dan Smith will

    show you the meaning of recursion :||

  • Dan Smith will

    gently caress your testes.

  • Dan Smith will

    dance the night away.

  • Dan Smith will

    give you herpes.

  • Dan Smith will

    cleveland steamroll you.

  • Dan Smith will

    touch your anus.

  • Dan Smith will

    fist three girls tonight

  • Dan Smith will

    shove a human head up his rectum and lick satan

  • Dan Smith will

    touch three weiners

  • Dan Smith will

    shit on deborahs’ desk

  • Dan Smith will

    suck a dude’s dick

  • Dan Smith will

    teach you how to swag.

  • Dan Smith will

    teach you discretion.

  • Dan Smith will

    teach Chris Stifel how to play the guitar.

  • Dan Smith will

    make you write stuff he’s doing

  • Dan Smith will

    eat yo pussy

  • Dan Smith will

    slap a bitch

  • Dan Smith will

    totally go see Gravity in IMAX 3D with you.

  • Dan Smith will

    share your day old hummus.

  • Dan Smith will

    eat yo hummus.

  • Dan Smith will

    poop on you …

  • Dan Smith will

    have sweet dreams of fluffy dwgs

  • Dan Smith will

    beat his wanker on a cheese grater …

  • Dan Smith will

    give JP an anywho …

  • Dan Smith will

    sniff you feet …

  • Dan Smith will

    #give#you#the#anywho …

  • Dan Smith will

    beat your meat …

  • Dan Smith will

    hang with Weekend Money

  • Dan Smith will

    appear in a rap video

  • Dan Smith will

    fuck yer child

  • Dan Smith will

    show your Mom the road to paradise

  • Dan Smith will

    lick my butthole!

  • Dan Smith will

    save Eta Triton!

  • Dan Smith will

    a

  • Dan Smith will

    listen to
    Bastille

  • Dan Smith will

    Will I have to work on Saturdays? <a href=" http:/

  • Dan Smith will

    state his abilities with conviction

  • Dan Smith will

    do anythang for ya

  • Dan Smith will

    jump in front of a train for ya

  • Dan Smith will

    throw his head on a blade for ya

  • Dan Smith will

    catch a grenade for ya

  • Dan Smith will

    evolve into Raichu when you give him Thunderstone.

  • Dan Smith will

    hit you, than apologize and tell you he loves you.

  • Dan Smith will

    screen your calls and tell you his phone was off.

  • Dan Smith will

    like your statuses that are in question form.

  • Dan Smith will

    lure you to your doom with nothing but sweet music

  • Dan Smith will

    endorse, and then oppose Obama-care.

  • Dan Smith will

    explain white privilege.

  • Dan Smith will

    make cancer airborne and contagious.

  • Dan Smith will

    define the word syzygy with his penis.

  • Dan Smith will

    be pro-life until he knocks up a hooker named Cher

  • Dan Smith will

    be the next Danny Tanner

  • Dan Smith will

    be the clown at your child’s 3rd birthday party

  • Dan Smith will

    take your girlfriend shopping

  • Dan Smith will

    ask that girl out for you.

  • Dan Smith will

    have 99 problems, but a bitch wont be one.

  • Dan Smith will

    teach hobos how to better stare at their crotch.

  • Dan Smith will

    tell you if your butt looks big in that outfit

  • Dan Smith will

    ask you out to dinner… and not pay.

  • Dan Smith will

    eternalized through a bronze statue

  • Dan Smith will

    sell you bad drugs.

  • Dan Smith will

    redefine motherhood through a string of B-films.

  • Dan Smith will

    default on his loans.

  • Dan Smith will

    ask you to borrow money.

  • Dan Smith will

    never love you the way I do

  • Dan Smith will

    Run For NYC Mayor!

  • Dan Smith will

    revive the Greek economy

  • Dan Smith will

    teach what ether smells like

  • Dan Smith will

    correct your grammar

  • Dan Smith will

    spoon feed you cough medicine

  • Dan Smith will

    utilize fully white backgrounds

  • Dan Smith will

    be your alter-ego

  • Dan Smith will

    WILL DESTROY YOU BECAUSE HE CREATED YOU

  • Dan Smith will

    crash on your futon for a few days

  • Dan Smith will

    escape to Ecuador

  • Dan Smith will

    leave you at the altar . . . again

  • Dan Smith will

    welcome you into a shed and you will never leave

  • Dan Smith will

    bill you for services rendered

  • Dan Smith will

    solve all of your problems . . . all of them

  • Dan Smith will

    be your husband, or else

  • Dan Smith will

    be your husband

  • Dan Smith will

    pick you out of a lineup

  • Dan Smith will

    solve the energy crisis

  • Dan Smith will

    teach you Cantonese

  • Dan Smith will

    eliminate property taxes

  • Dan Smith will

    teach you sarcasm

  • Dan Smith will

    live in your basement

  • Dan Smith will

    teach you the true meaning of Christmas

  • Dan Smith will

    not teach guitar

  • Dan Smith will

    turn into Mr. Mime

  • Dan Smith will

    teach you econometrics

  • Dan Smith will

    teach you statistics

  • Dan Smith will

    KILL ALEX FEIN

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