-
Dan Smith will
finally buy that farm in the country
-
Dan Smith will
pass his LSATs
-
Dan Smith will
OD on Advil for a second time
-
Dan Smith will
never quite finish puberty
-
Dan Smith will
pitch a no-hitter on acid
-
Dan Smith will
quote Dave Chappelle
-
Dan Smith will
get on Total Request Live
-
Dan Smith will
write the memoirs of Dan Smith: The Man Within
-
Dan Smith will
purchase 1lb. thin-sliced ham at the grocery store
-
Dan Smith will
leave his Christmas lights up
-
Dan Smith will
tag your hood
-
Dan Smith will
own 3 copies of Donald Trump’s biography
-
Dan Smith will
wear his Big Bird outfit no more
-
Dan Smith will
cook 13 ramens to keep in the fridge for the week
-
Dan Smith will
quench your thirst
-
Dan Smith will
pay serious cash for cellulite cream
-
Dan Smith will
make a nest out of kindle and wood scraps
-
Dan Smith will
ask Dear Abbey for advice
-
Dan Smith will
donate blood for a cookie
-
Dan Smith will
shave his legs for bicycling
-
Dan Smith will
quote Ben Franklin
-
Dan Smith will
never tempt fate twice
-
Dan Smith will
break into the Humane Society to feed
-
Dan Smith will
never cut his toenails
-
Dan Smith will
name his cat Curious George
-
Dan Smith will
let go of his dream for the pros
-
Dan Smith will
get lost in Harlem
-
Dan Smith will
claim he’s related to Pocahontas
-
Dan Smith will
say he’s Mr. Smith, like in The Matrix
-
Dan Smith will
substitute teach gym
-
Dan Smith will
decline a menthol
-
Dan Smith will
break your $20
-
Dan Smith will
put the empty milk jug back in the fridge
-
Dan Smith will
WoW
-
Dan Smith will
dress up like Don Cheetle
-
Dan Smith will
YouTube himself
-
Dan Smith will
not reconcile with his military-career father
-
Dan Smith will
walk faster past people different from him
-
Dan Smith will
try single ply, then wash his hands for 30 minutes
-
Dan Smith will
write love letters to Bob Saget
-
Dan Smith will
drink a fifth before he hits the town
-
Dan Smith will
find his 3rd cousin “super hot”
-
Dan Smith will
search eBay for Brendan Frasier
-
Dan Smith will
get to the center of a tootsie pop
-
Dan Smith will
make you step on his groin in heels
-
Dan Smith will
call other Dan Smiths in the phonebook
-
Dan Smith will
show you how limber you are
-
Dan Smith will
fight a speeding ticket
-
Dan Smith will
STOMP
-
Dan Smith will
use his binoculars from his dark apartment
-
Dan Smith will
streak a little league baseball game
-
Dan Smith will
let you finish, but…
-
Dan Smith will
continue to write checks at the grocery store
-
Dan Smith will
Blow dry your hair
-
Dan Smith will
put some robitussin on it
-
Dan Smith will
triple his riboflavin intake
-
Dan Smith will
tubgirl your goatse
-
Dan Smith will
casually sport a nun habit
-
Dan Smith will
make the worst fruit salad you’ve ever eaten
-
Dan Smith will
celebrate christmas in july in december
-
Dan Smith will
pretend he’s greek orthodox for 14 years
-
Dan Smith will
chew his children’s food before feeding it to them
-
Dan Smith will
bring the bisquick
-
Dan Smith will
appreciate eye contact
-
Dan Smith will
offer you a moist towelette and cologne
-
Dan Smith will
hover in public restrooms
-
Dan Smith will
offer you some of his WNBA season tickets
-
Dan Smith will
put eggs in the microwave in random hotel lobbies
-
Dan Smith will
watch every Babylon 5 ever
-
Dan Smith will
get some bargains at the flea market
-
Dan Smith will
host mixers
-
Dan Smith will
a/s/l? you
-
Dan Smith will
crop dust you on the bus.
-
Dan Smith will
put hair in his soup and complain
-
Dan Smith will
drink the elixir of strength.
-
Dan Smith will
make you a meatball salad
-
Dan Smith will
nickel and dime you
-
Dan Smith will
massage you as he teaches you a few tips in LINUX
-
Dan Smith will
strum really really fast and then ejaculate
-
Dan Smith will
launch the Catherine Malandrino website
-
Dan Smith will
set his Google images to “strict”
-
Dan Smith will
respond with, “Sticks and stones….”
-
Dan Smith will
wear chaps and hogtie his cats
-
Dan Smith will
learn French, but never make the trip
-
Dan Smith will
send some crayon-written guitar designs to Fender
-
Dan Smith will
“open a clinic” on you (his words)
-
Dan Smith will
legalize PCP
-
Dan Smith will
push really, really hard
-
Dan Smith will
take a mental picture
-
Dan Smith will
Just for Men
-
Dan Smith will
feel uncomfortable at the bat-mitzvah
-
Dan Smith will
tell you he graduated from Sarah Lawrence
-
Dan Smith will
buy every Tears for Fears single
-
Dan Smith will
fondly remember space camp
-
Dan Smith will
feel guilty taking the wrong amount of change
-
Dan Smith will
read Michel Foucault and cry
-
Dan Smith will
sing Nine Inch Nails when he is at the bookstore
-
Dan Smith will
try using the Batman voice
-
Dan Smith will
buy the first season of Glee
-
Dan Smith will
own an orange cat and name it Garfield
-
Dan Smith will
speak Mandarin when he orders Chinese
-
Dan Smith will
run into you at multiple times and act surprised
-
Dan Smith will
hunt for Red October
-
Dan Smith will
carpe diem
-
Dan Smith will
hum cheerfully as he hurts you
-
Dan Smith will
finish your research paper for you.
-
Dan Smith will
not tell you about his past.
-
Dan Smith will
hate the creators of Guitar Hero.
-
Dan Smith will
act like he gives a hoot n’ holler
-
Dan Smith will
call you a loser.
-
Dan Smith will
die a sad lonely death.
-
Dan Smith will
constantly edit the fringe science wiki
-
Dan Smith will
teach you guitar, but only when he feels like it.
-
Dan Smith will
pop his zits on the subway.
-
Dan Smith will
drive the getaway car.
-
Dan Smith will
go too far with the Ouiji board
-
Dan Smith will
get livid and say, “Darn it, Daniel.”
-
Dan Smith will
drink fancy teas
-
Dan Smith will
never complete a crossword puzzle
-
Dan Smith will
continue to submit captions to New Yorker cartoons
-
Dan Smith will
be your alibi. He’ll say you were playing Jenga.
-
Dan Smith will
run out of ink for his printer.
-
Dan Smith will
not teach you guitar. Sorry.
-
Dan Smith will
say, concerned, that you look tense
-
Dan Smith will
take his business elsewhere.
-
Dan Smith will
be zippin’ around in his Geo Metro
-
Dan Smith will
rhetorically ask if you want to die a virgin
-
Dan Smith will
find his cupboards filled with Spaghettios
-
Dan Smith will
if you will, too.
-
Dan Smith will
carry around hand sanitizer and a mask
-
Dan Smith will
ponder his life and vaguely smile at moments
-
Dan Smith will
watch games shows at 4am. Go whammee!
-
Dan Smith will
read Lolita at the kid’s corner at the library
-
Dan Smith will
ask for payment in smack
-
Dan Smith will
will furiously smoke an unfiltered cigarette
-
Dan Smith will
end this by abruptly leaving without a word
-
Dan Smith will
have had taught you guitar
-
Dan Smith will
not be needing another tuner for Christmas, mom.
-
Dan Smith will
recommend a diet high in fiber.
-
Dan Smith will
rape your baby
-
Dan Smith will
run for president
-
Dan Smith will
rise again.
-
Dan Smith will
return to sitting, following that.
-
Dan Smith will
get some sun when he damn well feels like it.
-
Dan Smith will
no longer be allowed within 150 feet of a child.
-
Dan Smith will
be right here waiting for you.
-
Dan Smith will
do something about that hair
-
Dan Smith will
stay classy
-
Dan Smith will
bust more rhymes than a lazy susan.
-
Dan Smith will
believe it’s not butter